Whenever I’ve been in a marriage class and the topic of submission comes up, you hear a lot of groans or chuckles. For me it was never a humorous subject matter. And it wasn’t even something that rubbed me the wrong way. My only thought was that submission was the least of my worries. I needed other kinds of help. For instance, learning how to like my husband or how to deal with the side of his personality that only I was privy to see.
Although the church’s intentions were great when it came to marriage issues, I always felt like something was missing. I don’t think they realized that not every wife sitting in that class had a husband who was “on fire for the Lord” or even remotely smoldering. Yes, even those husbands who showed up at church.
Just as parking your butt in a garage doesn’t make you a car, neither does parking your butt in a pew make you a Christian. But there always seemed to be this assumption that if your husband was in church, then your marriage just had to follow the Biblical mandates and all would be well.
I’m not going to lie. The majority of my past, nearly 26 years of marriage, have been challenging. Only in very recent years has there been a significant positive change. We’re finally at a place that I don’t worry about us not making it. But it’s been a long, hard road to get here.
Submission continues to remain the least of my worries but for a different reason. We finally got this marriage thing together. And it’s not because I learned how to submit or he even learned to lead. We just learned how to do this thing together…with God’s help. I’m not discounting the importance of submission in marriage, but I do believe that other work sometimes has to be done before you can even engage that kind of topic.
Maybe we need more classes such as:
How to Like Your Husband When He’s Gotten on Your Very Last Nerve
How to Bite Your Tongue When Your Husband Says Something Hurtful (or Stupid)
5 Ways to Desire the Husband Who Never Helps You Out Around the House or With the Kids
I’m joking (sort of). Marriage is so much more than tackling the issue of submission. Or even how husbands should love their wives like Christ loves the church. These are ideal ways to flourish in a marriage. But I think we’re missing some important steps before we get there.
Oftentimes couples are dealing with circumstances that don’t always get addressed…financial struggles. Baggage from the past. Addictions. Problems with the kids. Or even the differences between spouses when it comes to maturity in their faith.
Is it just me that thinks submission is the least of her worries in a marriage???