I can’t lie. There are days I greatly struggle with understanding some of the circumstances our family is dealing with…to the point it seems overwhelming. I’ve been in difficult places before, don’t get me wrong. You can’t follow Christ for more than two decades without going through some stuff…but most of that has been for what I would call a relatively short season. This season—our particular situation—has been months and months with quite honestly, no real “light at the end of the tunnel.”
In fact, at times it seems nothing will ever get better. Just when I think it can’t get any worse, it does. And I’m forced to face some really hard truths about myself. That I’m more lost than I ever thought I was. It’s easy to feel you’ve got this Christian walk thing under control when life is sailing along fine—sure, even with a few bumps in the road, you might get jostled. But you still feel pretty good about things. You’re doing it—living out the Bible to the best of your ability.
Even with setbacks, you can get back up and move on. Use them as lessons for others. Yet when the TRULY hard stuff—the stuff that shows what lies beneath the Christian badge you’ve worn—well, it can’t be hidden…glossed over…or ignored. Because even if you try to deny it, someone else will be more than happy to point out your shortcomings. Just ask my family. Or the ladies in my prayer group. Or some of my closest friends.
I get frustrated not only with these unending troubling circumstances, but the way I react to them. Why can’t I have unwavering faith to believe the best? Why is it the flesh so quickly gets in the way? Why can’t I be more like Mary, who pondered things in her heart? Or Esther, who boldly faced the unknown before her?
Instead, I feel more like Peter—a tongue that has its own mind and ideas that are far from God’s ways. Yet God reels me back in and reminds me there was more to Peter than the lack of self-control. He deeply loved Jesus. He was a true leader. He had passion for God’s truth. Maybe being like Peter isn’t so bad after all…and maybe we all need a reminder that He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6).
I’m not done. You’re not done. God is faithful. He is still working in and through us. Even when it seems He couldn’t possibly use the marred soul that we are—remember that He sees beyond the brokenness to a place of wholeness found only in Him.