A song that resonates in my heart. One that pierces deep within and reveals a soul problem. My inability to do what the main line of the song declares…“Let It Go.”
I’m a huge fan of the movie “Frozen” and an even bigger fan of the adorable snowman character Olaf. However, by far my favorite part is when Elsa sings “Let It Go.” Even better, when my almost two-year-old granddaughter attempts to sing it (you can find a video clip of this on my Instagram page, by the way).
Let it go…the past, expectations placed on my husband and children, fears and worries, what I can’t make happen, unfulfilled dreams, guilt…oh my, the list could go on and on and on. I’m just not good at letting go. Even when I’ve disagreed with someone and they’ve moved on, I oftentimes find it difficult to let go.
It’s the little stuff and the big stuff that I hold onto…sometimes with an iron-tight grip. A refusal to release. Even if I don’t vocalize my unwillingness to let go, my heart holds on. My thoughts hold on. This leads to getting caught up in all kinds of trouble—anything from shame to unforgiveness.
The less I let go, the more it holds me. And the more it holds me, the less I can let go.
It’s a crazy, vicious cycle. A merry-go-round that never ends. A rollercoaster ride I can’t seem to get off. Even though God keeps directing me to let it go—still…I hold on. For some, it’s so obvious what my real problem is…a lack of trust. Weak faith. More power being given to my circumstances than to God. Probably. But it doesn’t mean my love for God is any less than someone with deep trust, great faith and all power being given to Him.
My love isn’t diminished because I struggle. Yet so often we’re made to feel that way.
There was one church service where our pastor had us turn to the person next to us and express something we worry about. Then we would pray for one another. When I turned to the woman on my left, she proudly (and loudly) declared, “I never worry. That’s a sin!” What do you do with that? In my usual frank manner I replied, “Well, then I guess I’m a big ole sinner because I do worry!” Maybe she didn’t mean it to sound judgmental when she prayed for me, but it sure came across that way.
We could debate all day long about whether or not worrying is a sin. It really doesn’t matter because the truth is that lady, despite her perfection on not being a worry-wart, I can guarantee there are other things she struggles with. We ALL struggle with something. And yet it’s in those very places we tussle that God can do His greatest work in us.